New York Wedding

Over the weekend, some friends and I embarked on a road trip to upstate New York to attend Jordan and Mike's wedding. Two random facts: Utica, New York, is the farthest north within the United States that I've traveled, and Jordan and Mike decided on Utica because it's the halfway point between their two families. The small towns and fall foliage along the way were beautiful and made for a scenic drive. 

We drove about half of the seven hours on Friday night so we wouldn't be rushed on Saturday and could do fun things like visit North Star Orchards. 

  

  

Amanda, Brooks, me, Caitlin at the Corn Maze

It was a great weekend spent with dear friends, and most of all, I'm happy that I was able to be there for my friends as they committed to spend the rest of their lives together. 

Amanda, Caitlin, me, and Brooks before the wedding

Mike and Jordan

Jordan and Mike

An Open Letter to Pumpkin-Flavored Seasonal Treats

AN OPEN LETTER TO PUMPKIN-FLAVORED SEASONAL TREATS.
BY ILANA PLEN

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Dear Pumpkin-Flavored Seasonal Treats,

So you’re back. You just come waltzing into town like nothing has happened, like nothing has changed. Don’t look at me like that. You’re the one who left for a year with no explanation, no warning. No note. And I’m just supposed to be okay with that?

Well, I’m not. A lot has changed in the last year. I’ve moved on. I tried going vegan, did you know that? Of course you didn’t. You know why? Because you never bothered to call and check in. I had a fling with peppermint in December, but that didn’t last long. I never really got over you.

Do you know what it was like for me after you disappeared? I was a wreck. I couldn’t get out of bed; there was nothing to look forward to. I started visiting the places we spent time together, on the off chance you might be there. But no matter where I went, the fact was that you were gone. Worst of all, it seems that I was the only one who noticed. Signs advertising your presence remained up. Commercials encouraging me to consume you in mass quantities flooded my television and haunted my dreams. You were everywhere and nowhere, all at the same time.

If I had realized how temporary your presence in my life would be, I would have done things differently. I would have cherished the time we spent together more. I would have taken more pictures. I would have told you I loved you each and every single day. If only I knew it was all going to end, I would have planned ahead. I would have stocked up. If only.

But like I said, things are different now. I’ve changed. I’m strong now. I’m not the same girl who needed you, yearned for you and cried when you weren’t around. I am an independent, self sufficient woman, who refuses to be tied down. Especially to something that can’t handle hanging around for more than a three month period of time. So screw you, you commitment phobic piece of crap.

You’ve got a lot of nerve coming back here. How dare you look me in the eye? Do you think I’m dumb? Do you think I don’t realize that since you’ve come back, you’ve flirted with every person you pass on the street, tempting them with your elusive charms and intoxicating scent? You jerk. You big jerk. I trusted you. I thought we had something special. And now you’ve gone and thrown it all away. Again. God, I’m stupid. I’m so stupid. I hate you. I really, really do.

Wait. I’m sorry. Maybe I’m being too hard on you. I don’t know. I’ve put so much into this relationship already. Maybe it’s better to just try again. A blank slate, so to speak. It’s still early in the season. We still have time; we can still make it work. What do you say? How about a drink? For old time’s sake? But please, whatever you do. Don’t ever leave me again.

I love you,

Ilana Abby Plen

TGIF

I am SO happy that September is almost over. Normally, I like September just fine; cooler weather, falling leaves, college football and pumpkin spice lattes are all good things in my book. However, the past few weeks have been difficult in many different ways, and I'm glad that they are over.

This weekend I taking a road trip with some friends to upstate New York to attend Jordan and Mike's wedding. Jordan and I met at my previous job, and he and Mike moved to Baltimore last year so I don't see them nearly as often as I'd like. This will also be my first trip to New York that doesn't involve Manhattan, so it should be a fun weekend all around. 

Mike and Jordan

Jordan and Mike

The Casual Vacancy

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There is a certain kind of book written by a certain kind of author that prompts a certain kind of exasperation: “No matter what I say, fans will buy this, read this, worship this. (Please do not throw bricks at my window.)”

I didn't write that sentence, but I'm glad that Monica Hesse did, since I couldn't have stated it better myself. I loved the Harry Potter series, and I look forward to reading more from J.K. Rowling. In her Harry Potter books, she is adept at telling an adult story through the words of children and adolescents; the language may not be particularly elegant or compelling, but she conveys tone and mood through straightforward prose. As such, I'm excited to read her newest work, The Casual Vacancy, an adult book actually written for adults that was officially released today. The reviews have been lukewarm, which isn't surprising after the Harry Potter phenomenon. A criticism that I've noticed repeatedly is that there are no spells or plucky sidekicks in Vacancy; the characters are real this time, and as such, flaws and cynicism can't be charmed away with a simple wave of the wand. I can't wait to read it.

The Red Tent

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For one of my book clubs (I'm now in two) we read The Red Tent, by Anita Diamant. The novel is historical fiction, based on the rape of Dinah from the Book of Genesis. I'll be honest, my Bible-knowledge is not what it should be. I was familiar with the story of Dinah, but about halfway through The Red Tent, I went back to my Bible to read the historical account. I appreciated the way Diamant took one page of text and filled an entire book, staying true to both the culture of the times and the original telling of the rape of Dinah.

That said, you don't have to be a Biblical scholar, or even a follower of the Judeo-Christian faith to enjoy this book. At its core, it's the story of a young girl as she comes of age and learns from her mothers and her sisters about the ways of the world and what it means to become a woman at a time when women were treated as a lower class. Initially, I thought the book may be a bit dry, but it was richly woven with anecdotes told from the first-person perspective of Dinah.

50 Shades of Don't Waste Your Time

Let's talk about 50 Shades of Grey for a minute. Maybe a couple of minutes. I read this book (and the two that came after it). I know, I'm hanging my head in shame. I'm normally pretty strong about not reading the hot new thing in books (except for Harry Potter... and Twilight... and Hunger Games...), but Amazon was having a three-for-one sale and I gave in. Sorry, I'm not sorry, except that I kind of am. Sorry, that is. This book was terrible. I mean it. 

First of all, they call it mommy porn for a reason. It is definitely porn-o-graphic. If you're a Puritan or a Jehovah's Witness, this is not the book for you. Probably Southern Baptists, too.

Secondly, the trilogy started as Twilight fan fiction; I really didn't enjoy the Twilight books, so I don't know why I thought I'd enjoy this series. (Confession: I only liked a lot, not loved, the Hunger Games trilogy. I know, I'm a horrible person.) 

Thirdly, the writing is just Gawd-awful. The main character has just graduated college and has neither a smartphone nor her own laptop. This is 2011; what kid doesn't have a smartphone or a laptop (insert desktop or iPad if that's easier to swallow)? And don't get me started on Ana Steele's inner goddess and/or her subconscious; her inner goddess is a tart and her subconscious is a school marm. She literally has named the voices in her head. I cringe thinking about it. Maybe she's Schizophrenic.

Fourthly, Christian Grey, the mysterious protagonist, is really just a creepy stalker. He randomly shows up on her family trip; he wants her to sign a contract to be a sex slave; he has her followed; he wants her to sign a contract to be a sex slave; he bugs her email; he wants her to sign a contract... you get the point.

In fact, I'm going to tell you what happens, minus all the S&M stuff. Ana and Christian meet, they fight, things get weird, they have sex, they date, they have sex, they break up, they have sex, they get back together, they have sex, Christian has a helicopter accident, they have sex, they get married, they have sex, she gets a stalker, they have sex, the stalker gets arrested, they have sex, they move into a new house, they have sex, they have two kids, they have sex, and they live happily ever after. The end.

You're welcome.

Karyn's Wedding

I made some of my very best friends while working in my previous job, and I'm lucky enough to still call them friends instead of merely former co-workers. One of these former co-workers, who is also my friend, was married on Cinco de Mayo of this year. Karyn is a great gal, and I'm so glad that I was able to attend her wedding, since technically I was already supposed to be in Chicago for work.

The wedding was a reunion of sorts for several of us who had taken different jobs, but all met while working in one particular department at one particular organization. It was great fun, with lots of dancing and singing and reminiscing and shoe-switching (thank you, Amy).

Amy also wears a size 8 shoe. Thank goodness.

Former co-workers. And friends.